Wednesday, October 26, 2016


AJ: what do you want?
Me: Why? Did He say you should ask me? Do I sound unsure?

AJ: Just answer me. What do you want?
Me: I waaannnt……..*snores*

Following morning……

AJ: er, so, you didn’t answer yesterday. What do you want?
Me: You know na…An easier life, the man of my dreams…

AJ: interrupts…, I am not taking those to Him. You know what He can be like.
Me: ehn ehn! Ya subbing your boss?

AJ: No! (with an eyeroll) you know what I mean. All those blanket type requests do is make Him ask me to do the exercise with you. You know, so stop wasting both our time please.
Me: Ehn, so what are you saying? An easier life is not specific enough for you?

AJ: Not even by a kilometer! You! Easier life? When someone will think that means one thing, you will start complaining ten seconds into whatever I deliver. No, please, be specific. I’m tired.
Me: How is it you are grumpy? Ain’t angels supposed to be….erm, at least, angelic.

AJ: Please, I am not in the mood for your cross examination today. Kindly tell me specifically, what do you want?
Me: Well, thing is, I asked already and when He thinks I am getting ahead of myself is when He does this. So, help me ask Him, is it fair?

AJ: rolling on the floor…..laughing. So, let me get you. Adenike, is it that you want to be last of your name?! You expect me, Angel Jamiu, to go to the Most High in response to His question to you and tell Him that you responded with a question and that the question is ‘is it fair’? You don’t like me. I’ve always suspected. Now, I have confirmation.
Me: But, kini big deal?

AJ: Kini yen noni…..where do you think I can get a job like this one, this side of eternity, please point me in that direction. Because its obvious you have a new job lined up for my sorry angelic ass. *flops down*

Me: but can a girl not seek clarification ni? You know He already knows what I want and you and I know what this is in aid of. So, I am not playing this game that He seems to like playing every now and then asking me what I want knowing fully well what I want.

AJ: sighs and raises hands in exasperation. I must have done something bad sometime in this century or why I was assigned to you is beyond me.  I do all the right things. I avert my face when you’re naked, I close my eyes when you watch…..

Me: Hey! Stop right there! Watch what?! Tell me, watch what?! Its like you want me to tell Big G how you encourage me to speed when driving abi?! Telling me, ‘I gat you, just a little faster’ till everybody now thinks I do that racing thing for myself, not knowing I was assigned an angel who loves speed & is an adrenaline junkie? Continue…..don’t goan deliver my response.

AJ: why are you like this, Adenike?
Me: Like how?

AJ: Like this! Giving me grief….
Me: kilzes! Deliver my message….ask Him, is it fair?

AJ: Okay, I will. But this is the last time you both will do this thing….
Me: interrupts….oh! You’re omniscient now?

AJ: Please! Don’t even joke about that! Of course I ain’t.

Me: So, go….until the next time.

AJ is code for Angel Jamiu, my personal guardian Angel. I have yet to 'see' him but I do not doubt that he exists. I know because I hear him curse when I do stuff that he has to save me from by a hair's breath (which is often!). He curses under his breath and sometimes makes me laugh at the wrong times creating the impression that I am not always sane but what he lacks in tact, he more than makes up for by saving me too many times and even running errands like providing the same service for my loved ones that he does for me. And I am absolutely smitten by him....but don't tell him that part.

Friday, October 21, 2016


Someone to gurgle at after a good breastfeeding. To share diaper rash sighs with and tell of your frustration at the man who always interrupts when the feeding machine woman is pledging her allegiance and love.

Someone to kick when no-one is looking and then start screaming at the top of your lungs and to make eyes at when the big humans come and spank his butt for making the cherubic angelic beauty cry. The first strains of friendship. The imbalance begins.

Then language developed and with it locomotory skills and the one who trusts you enough to put his hand to the fire because you assured it would not burn, forgetting that you both gasped at the wonder of what fire looked like. 

Who ran to hide when the big humans came and found you covered in palmoil because she said it looked like what her mum paints her lips in and decided to paint you in it. You stood still cos the feel of her hands on your body was delicious. The imbalance persists.

The one to whom you ran when you discovered body parts are different, wanting to see, compare. Whoa! This is huge, this difference. But you ambled over it as all the other things. 

You held hands shyly, endured the teasing and the taunts. You kept your confusion under wraps. This one is for your life journey. You can endure anything if she says you should. You share a history.

The tears. You don’t understand the tears. Why is she crying because the gangly boy said something you say to her all the time to her? What betrayal is this? 

She is growing in places you are afraid to look at. You want to hold her waist like before but it is causing you problems at night and at dawn. 

She giggles a whole lot and gets mad at things you are not even certain you did but you nod, mostly. Now, its chemistry.

She is no longer child. No doubt about that but she’s all yours again. Sharing confidences, asking how this or that looks and laughing, falling all over you. Blissfully unaware of how she looks, smells and feels so good and how much of a struggle it is not to taste, just a taste to serve as a reminder of what she tasted like when your kisses were innocent, a mere discovery. 

She’s your meter rule, the one against whom all the others lack a certain something. The only something you want. Up, on the pedestal she goes.

She betrays you again. She falls in love. For real this time. And even though you want to hate him, you agree, he is perfect, for her. 

Admitting that is more pain than breaking your leg falling down the stairs. That time you pretended to be fine till she looked at you and you wanted to break the other leg so she would do it again. 

How could she?! The ring burns a hole in your pocket, the size of hole it had burnt in your savings account. Friendship is what you share. Love is what you crave. Imbalance returns.

You want intimacy, more than anything. You crave friendship, you search and replace it with several things. Assured of your ability to cope. You find, mould, cast aside and repeat the process many times. Hearts and lives strewn across the timeline of your ultimate search.

You convince yourself it is you, not them and you’re right. What you seek is available but it is constantly evolving.

You hear her voice, like from across the ocean…..’can you talk?!’ And your world is okay again. 

Your friendship survived her love for him. She needs you again. You hold her tight, kiss her right and she looks up at you with scared eyes. 

The friendship you crave is here. 
Always will be.
And your full measure of luck and love….

Sunday, October 16, 2016

We are all sane....

We are all sane, no one has mental health issues.

Even the diagnosed, much less the roving undiagnosed. 

The only thing is we all don’t do what is right. 


Even when faced with evidence that makes it clear what we should do, we sidestep and explain it away. 

It is why we are quick to point fingers at others. 

THEY must be mad. Or why else will they not see our point. 

The megalomaniac who can’t sleep for fear someone else is bigger. 

The schizophrenic who sees things in the shadows even though light assures there is nothing there.

The infatuated one who is unable to let go when feelings aren’t mutual. 

The dissociated identity disorder convinces that one he is a stunt double instead of parts of a whole. 

We all are sane. 

For you, because help is only good when taken. 

Thursday, September 15, 2016


When a marriage ends,
If you were threatening to kill said spouse for any number of imaginary reasons,
And there are witnesses to your mental instability, don’t act the aggrieved party,
You can drop the theatrics and swallow your ego and be, just be.
You can begin to enjoy your new life secure in how relieved you are to be rid of stress
You can even halt the stalking and drama when your paths cross,
You can choose to be an adult if children are involved.

When a relationship ends,
You can return my keys so that I don’t have to keep asking for them,
You can stop thinking you will sell your sob stories and get sympathy,
You can choose non-communication as your means of showing it’s over,
You can continue on your search for the perfect person to take your lazy ass.

When a friendship ends,
You can ask what it is that went wrong and choose whatever version works for you,
You can make it about you and refuse to see how love means giving,
Sometimes of yourself and sometimes, up your bad habits and doing better,
You can face up to inadequacies and share a glorious future even when afraid
Or you can keep circling the carcass of an unreal issue.

Mostly, what happens when is up to you.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

This Eid....

So, I had a fabulous time celebrating with friends in spite of my best attempts at a miserable day. 

I’d woken up at about the usual time but was somehow unable to get out of bed. The person I wanted to spend time with was miles away and I just wasn’t happy about it. Never mind that distance was not the only challenge, I decided it was and sulked. Hard. And I stayed in bed reading my current reading material. 

When Lil Miss awoke hours later, all sunshine and brightness, I groaned. She was in such a cheery mood, I was irritated. She immediately announced she was going to get ready so she could go to my friend’s house within the estate and I gave permission but she must have assumed I was speaking sarcastically because she got ready and took to looking in on me every 30minutes or so till I was forced to get out of bed and get ready. 

She wanted to walk there and I chuckled as I remembered how this had been the plan a year ago and how that had worked out. We had resorted to taking the car when the heavens poured dogs and cats the year before so I wasn’t looking forward but I got ready. Then I threatened to wear my new trainers on the native I picked out. 

Finally, we set out and I looked accusingly at the sky and wondered when the clouds would gather and rain would come down but no such luck! Everything was conspiring against me. We took off and as usual got into conversation and teasing and chasing and all. We generally always have a great time together, me and the girls. 

She rounded a corner and I followed and then she slowed and asked why I did not call her back as I usually do and I responded that I had told her she could go there by herself anyway. It was then she believed I was actually granting permission earlier. Minutes later, we were at our host’s very posh house. 

Entering, we saw her husband doing the chopping of the ram and saw how flushed he looked. Obviously enjoying this more than he should. Entering the kitchen, we were engulfed by sights and smells that were beyond divine and last minute preparations to receive guests. It was so nice and warm and cosy. Minutes later, others arrived and soon, the eating commenced. 

The meal was a buffet spread type thing where you use your hand to do yourself. It was amusing to watch accomplished females take charge of feeding their husbands and thought about how that would usually be an ish for some but not these women. I felt so blessed to know them and to be with them. The talk as we ate was mostly about our work space and some of the going-ons there and it was great. The children ran around and the men sat on a porch while we  commandeered the dining table. 

My Professor friend and I showed ourselves as we were subtly reminded of our posh aspirations when we were chomping away at our meal when another friend arrived and placed a mat on the table before placing her plate on there. We blushed blue and purple and asked for mats too! We had so much fun. 

Time to fire up the barbeque for some of the meat and we all pitched in and soon, the designated taster had some work to do.

Finally, the rain showed up but we were safe under the porch at this time and a lively discussion spanning Nigeria, Buhari and finally Telcos ensued. I had to dash home to get suya pepper as the seasoning was declared too sedate for our Nigerian palate by our designated taster and I got drenched so I changed into jeans and a warm sweater. 

The rest of the night passed in companionable talking (and listening on my part as I sipped my tea), seeing friends off and getting food packs ready to leave. We were dropped off at home at way past both our bed times bearing take away food, meat and small chops.  And I can truly report, it was a beautiful celebration.

While we spoke as we ate, some important talk came up and I received some insight that I was very glad to get. I know great women. They are as dissimilar as they come but in the over 20years now that I have known them all, their uniqueness is never a disadvantage. Always, they do a little here and there but they constantly do their bit and THAT is what life is about. I savoured this knowledge and it tripled my enjoyment to think that in perhaps 20years hence, we will sit around and the tiny bits will still be making a difference. So awesome.

So, how was your Eid?

Saturday, July 30, 2016


The inspiration for the brilliant idea for this blogpost has to be shared between @habukia and @moverick.

I was going to re-activate my Spectranet internet service as it falls due on the 29th and they usually disconnect at 0:00am so I meant to do it around 11pm on said date. As is usual, when I send the girls to bed, I rest for a few minutes in bed but recently, my days have been such that when I rest for those few minutes, I wake up hours later and so I woke up around 2am on the 29th and was mentally kicking myself for losing the 24G of data I had left that I thought I now could not roll over. All day, it preyed on my mind especially as Spectranet also kept up a steady stream of e-mails and texts advertising the promo about getting twice the volume of data for whatever price you paid. I was reminded that I had 2days more to take them up on the offer and as I lamented to Padi Mi about the loss of the 24G, I decided now was as good a time as any to re-activate the internet.

 Imagine my delight and surprise when I opened my Spectranet Selfcare and realized it had automatically updated and I now had 62G of data!

I had tweeted to lament earlier in the day about my 24G loss and so I found that tweet and updated about my new plenty G status and ‘Miss Trobusome’ (aka @habukia) responded and I told her about how that will not last very long with our 8 always-on devices between the three of us.

Also, I had been doing beggy beggy for a new phone on Twitter but I have mostly poor people as friends or they want me to think they are even though I know different and had had no takers. And I was mostly begging for cheap phones oh! Tecno Camon C9 and such like. Nothing iPhone-ney oh! Anyway, one who I badgered into agreeing to send me a phone then said I could send the one I had and was bored with (don’t let the kind gentleman who bought it for me hear oh!). So, I then was telling him about all the devices we have here and got the idea to do this blogpost as I thought you’d like to know about them too.

1. There’s lappie, this one, current champion and fave. My touch screen Acer laptop bought me by my sister and her nice husband (sis can be nice on occasion too but she's Ijebu! Though much better than me). I had asked for a laptop and my brother-in-law had gone to the store around the same time and seen this at a steal so I had got a laptop for free even though I was doing shakara that the money was in my offshore account. El-oh-el!

2. There’s my old laptop, my Dell that was bought with American Government money when I arrived Baton Rouge, Louisiana in 2011 for my Fulbright experience. Mayowa and I had gone into BestBuy to get it after we had gone in and bought the first that didn’t power on after taking it out of the box. It is mostly domiciled in the office nowadays and mostly used as a desktop as the battery does not hold any charge anymore. And that is actually the second battery as I had ordered one through Seyi years ago.

3.There’s my tablet, mostly for reading books. My Samsung Galaxy that I got one nice gentleman to bring me when he was coming into Nigeria for some literary thing one time. I had driven to where he was to pick it up and had paid for it later on. I bought it as replacement for my Kindle that packed up one day after I was frustrated by the offers BestBuy was giving me to replace it.

4. There’s Mov1’s Innjoo tablet that I had sold her netbook to buy cos I felt she really could get all she was doing on the netbook done on the tablet. Plus everytime I saw that netbook, I wanted to slap a certain someone. First for making me leave it when I was going to the US to enhance communication with my daughters and which was never so used and for being his tool to gain access to my social media platforms. @#!&%!!! 
The Innjoo tab is one of the shortest in lifespan devices we have ever had as she took a tumble down the stairs in heels holding it a week after she got it and it only houses her pictures. That reminds me, need to get those pictures off and dispose of it.

5.Then her Innjoo phone, I had decided she needed a new phone to cheer her up at some point and had bought her that one. During a visit to their other parent, something went down and Mov2 is said to have cracked its screen, I generally don’t hear things like that. I still don’t know its screen is cracked even though it’s plain to see.

6.There is my Infinix Hot Note. Perfect but I am ready for something else. I badgered my friend for the money for it and he sent it to me less 500naira (evul man!) and I bought it but he held its charger ransom for several months. Some people cannot do you any good, they must sha squat down with it ni….

7.There is my former phone, the Hauwei that I went to buy with Tolu, I was very determined to get a new phone that day. I was even going to pay 50k or so for a Samsung that I liked and then I entered that new Play store and my eyes locked on the Hauwei and Joke had been talking about it before I left the UK that year on holiday. And it was 20k less. The Ijebu in me had an epiphany and walked out with it. 
Mov1 has it most days, for what, I don’t know. She usually just has it with her.

8.Then there is that phone I bought Mov2 when she passed like I desired her to. She had promised to work harder and I saw her trying and it was enough for me. We had walked into the Etisalat store at the mall together and she picked it after I asked for phones in the price range I was willing to shell out for a phone for her.

9.There is my BB that I bought to replace the one that I bought to stay in touch with le ex. I had held that old one one day at work outside my office and had the thought that it might drop out of my hand. Now, considering my office is on the 4th floor, I knew it would not end well and drop it did. And it died, so I went to that phone store at the mall where some guy is always rude and condescending and got this one. Lately, I have desired to use just one phone and so I have mostly abandoned the BB. Moved my bbm onto my Infinix and enjoyed the experience.

10. Mov2 uses my brother’s old phone, a Tecno, when she has a need to communicate via phone, which is usually sparingly. She mostly uses her phone for the radio. She has several of those and promotes them into use and disuse as she wills. She has a very eclectic taste in music like my brother and I and so she enjoys his music when not using his radio.

I think that about sums up all of our devices. I remember asking my sister to skype recently and she told me she doesn’t really use Skype since moving over to the Apple side of life and I wonder if ever I will. I do not begrudge those who own those devices, just not my thing. I am however very grateful for all devices as I like to keep in touch with family and friends and I do have a rich mix of both spread all over the world. I am thus thankful for technology that enables me stay in touch with everyone and to 'see' so much more than my tiny Ibadan flat ever could.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Primary School Graduate

My Lil Miss...

She started school pretty early although she was lucky that I had a nanny as well as a maid when she was born and so she started later than her elder sister who started at 3 months  (I also had a maid then who attended school; Glory). She was however unlike her sister, loving it. She never cried, was always happy to go and happy to return. She welcomed you with outstretched arms but always left with a wave. 

She started out at a day care center that had done only that exclusively for years and that I felt was best at this particular service. In about a year or so, the day care center got the big idea to transition into a primary school and while I didn’t think it was a bright idea, I had no serious misgivings.

My work was easy then, I worked at the hospital, I was Principal Vet Officer and there were not that many cases but I had that heightened sense of duty that made me rush to work early and refuse to leave till the time I was supposed to. Which is how I began to feel the effects of rushing around in the morning, dropping big sister off at All Saints’ and rushing back to Bodija axis to drop her.

I was alone at this time as the other half was away getting a degree overseas so I reached the end of my strength one day. I wanted to pay fees and rushed into the Day Care and no one paid me any mind. I waited a while and when someone eventually came to attend to me, she couldn’t find the receipt booklet. I had actually handed over the money but was uncomfortable with not getting a receipt right away so I collected the money and left to go and get big sis from the other side of town. 

On getting to the school, I was led to inquire about pre-Nursery there and they apparently had just finished fixing a place to start and that is how I walked to the Accountant’s office and paid same fees to All Saints’ Church School for my younger daughter.

She is such a carer that upon resuming, she always ensured everyone is settled before settling down to her day in school. This earned her the nickname ‘No Bumbum’ and a prize at her first Speech and Prize-giving day for ‘Most Caring Child’.

She needed encouragement to do her work but she was a hard worker and was making steady progress. I noticed that she struggled a bit with the simplest words but aced the harder words and she could sing songs verbatim after listening to them once. She also loved to dance and had great rhythm. Whenever she was upset and I couldn’t calm her, all I had to do was spin her around and the giggles would appear. Such a happy child. With a fierce tongue but immensely kind heart.

Padi Mi, Lil Miss & my mum circa 2010

She had Mafioso tendencies though. I once watched her command her troops.
Lil boy: ‘can I carry your bag for you’
Lil Miss: ‘no, you carried it yesterday’
another lil boy: ‘you promised that you would let me carry it for you today oh!’
an older girl: ‘why are you the one who always wants to carry her bag, we nko?’
Lil Miss: ‘ehn, okay, let her carry it today, you will carry it tomoro, okay? Shey you won’t start crying?’.
I happened upon this conversation once when I went to pick her.

There was that one time when a boy tried to beat her when she was in Primary 2 as well. She gave a good account of herself. Unlike her sister who had required coaching to deal with kids who attempted to bully her, my Lil Miss had no such problems. This boy who picked on her got a thorough bashing and ran ‘under the shed’ (afterschool waiting area) to wait for his mum so he could report her. When the mum arrived and heard he had been beaten up, I heard she demanded to meet the opponent and when the boy went to my daughter and she saw her size, she asked again who had beaten him as he had started to cry again. When he confirmed that it was my daughter, she slapped him and told him if he ever embarrassed her like that again, he would ‘see pepper’. Said boy was twice her size and in Primary 3 or 4.

The period of time I was away in the US was a difficult one and it caused a change in her. She became disinterested in reading altogether and it probably set us back a few years. She was told too often that she was ‘too like her mother’ and she in turn had a response for every cruel behavior she witnessed. She did not believe like her sister in towing the path of least resistance, she fought but she was only a tiny 7 year old at the time.

In the past 3 years, a lot has changed. Quite a lot and I am happy to report it has all been for good. My baby has re-discovered reading and learning and has blossomed. She is inquisitive again and soaking up knowledge. 

I remember visiting the Zoo and Aquarium during our last holiday and how she knew more about the animals than my Veterinary self. She watches The National Geographic Channel incessantly and asks questions that task me daily.The most gratifying thing is that recently, she wants to be a Vet. She asks questions and imagines scenarios. I guess she had seen enough to convince her that this is what she wants to do. Only, she also wants to be a ballerina and go to space. 

In all, I am too grateful. See, the thing is she graduates from Primary School today and this ends my relationship with All Saints’ Church School as a parent. It started as a rich experience and then, only a strong sense of fortitude saw us through to the end.

I am super proud. I made the decision to have her study Primary 6 cos of the issues with her reading. The spelling bees, the reading contests we had, the writing she did, all convince me she got an education. And this is the sole reason I am partaking in this….this…this….graduation whatsmacallit.

Yup! My baby did the work! She passed through Primary School and Primary School passed through her and she came out tops! Congratulations babes!